In Memory - Come to my Dream, please.

This morning, I just been called and told by my sister in law that last night she'd just got a dream,
visited by my wife.
In her dream, my wife is so healthy, good looking, very bright skin and clean...
She said in her dream, "why everyone on my funeral was sad ... I was happy and no pain at all."
"Looking you all sad, makes me feel sad too...". she also said, "It was no pain at all, in my last I just
take a deep breath and then .... it happened ... I passed".

My dear wife, I'm still waiting for you to visit me ... someday... I believe you won't forget your
promise to visit me, talk to me, hug me and kiss me.... I pray every night to ask God to let you
visit me.... I miss you so much ... but I'm happy that know you are happy ... in heaven... with Jesus.

In Memory - It's not easy to say goodbye ...

Since then, my son cried every night...
Everytime we went to sleep, we play the song of "Goodbye - Lionel Richie",
my son cried...., and I can't stop drop my tears... .
I told him... " don't be sad, don't worry .. mom is always around us, she will always be with us, even we can't see her ... but her spirit always live ... and she will always in our heart."
Every night, my son always pray to God and after that he always tell her mother about his day in school ... like he used to be.
Every morning, he always say bye to his mom. "bye mom.......", before he went in to the car.
Every afternoon, he always yell to his mom ... "mom, I'm home ....", when he arrived from school.
Yes, we always did like she never left us. Just like we used to be. No, we won't change a thing.
I even let my wife's stuff where it was, never changed it. I just want everything like it used to be.
Because I believe, she was never left us. Even she's not with us, but we believe... she's still around us. She always stay in our heart.

I just found the lyric "Goodbye - by. Lionel Richie" in the internet.

I wanted you for life
you and me
in the wind
I never thought there come a time
that our story would end
its hard to understand
but I guess i'll have to try
its not easy
to say goodbye .....

For all the joy we shared
all that time we had to spend
now if I had one wish
I'd want forever back again
to look into your eyes
and hold you when you cry
its not easy
to say goodbye......

I can remember all those great times we had
There were so many memories, some good some bad
yes and through it all
those memories will last
forever .....

Theres peace in where you are
may be all I need to know
and if I listen to my heart
i'll hear your laughter once more
and so I got to say
i'm just glad you came my way
its not easy to say
goodbye.....You will always in our heart .... forever ...

In Memory - I love you so much

I'm sure you know how much I love you...

since then till now, my love never less abit.

You are the greatest gift from God that I ever had in my life...
I love you when you smile, when you laugh ...even when you angry...
For more than eleven years we have been through our wonderful marriage.
Even you're in heaven... but you're always in my heart.
I love you.... I always love you.

To all readers, friends or just visitors, men or women.....

Love your spouse....
Love them before it's all too late....
Be gentle to them before you regret....
Say that you love them while you can say....
Kiss and hug them while you can do....
Forgive them before you can't....
Enjoy the beautiful moments that you can share with them....
And always...always be prepare for the worst....
Because you may never know what ... and when ...

Because, God will always wants to know....
How big is our faith on Him....
How much we submit to Him....
How much we love Him than the others....

Because... everything that happened to us....everything....
we always have to believe in Him...
that was the best given to us.... and to others....

In Memory - The Preparation

She had prepared everything... for any worst thing happened.
She had explain to our son what was going on and what will happen to her.
In the time when we fight her cancer, it was really awful. Her condition dropped so fast
that I can't understand...
But the important thing is... we had prepared for the worst. Me, my wife & my son.

Into Your hands I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord, the God of truth and faithfulness.

Psalm 31:5

In Memory - My Beloved Wife

Everything I had done to save my wife's life....
But ... God had a different plan...
She passed away on 11 November 2008.
in her age of 39, she left me with a cute son.

TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Tough Weeks

We depart from Surabaya to Singapore on 19 April.
Very tight to get all the preparations, making appointment with the doctors in Singapore, tickets, hotels, etc.
And still we haven't got any hotel yet.

20th April, Monday.
Me and my wife went to see dr. Tham Kok Fun, an OG oncology specialist, Gleneagle hospital.
We brought all the medical datas to show the doctor.
My wife told to have another X-ray scan and blood test again. (not cheap)
After the result came up. dr. Tham refer us to see another speacialist,
doctor Goh Teck Chong, a Respiratory Specialist, because he almost certain that
this case was lung problem.
On the same day, we met dr. Goh, he suggest us to get more of the liquid sample
from my wife's lung.

21th April, Tuesday.
My wife was taken the liquid from her lung, done by a radiologist in Gleneagle hospital. (more money to go, and it's also not cheap, whew!!)
Sameday, the luquid sample was analyse. The result come up 2 more days, they told.

22nd April, Wednesday.
A call came from dr. Goh's clinic. They ask us to come over, because dr. Goh wanted to tell us the results (the result was 1 day earlier)
Dr. Goh told us that the liquid result is ADENOCARCINOMA. Positive.
This was the 2nd same result since we tested it in Surabaya.
He told us the result was positive. but the question is where it come from??
He suggest us to get a PET Scan, can be done in Singapore General Hospital with
SGD 2600 (Wooow...!!!)
We told him we need to discuss first, concerning the amount of money was really costly for us.
I called dr. Ang Peng Tiam's Clinic to arrange an appointment.
Nurse told us, dr. Ang will see us tomorrow at 14.00.

23rd April, Thursday.
We go to around the city (just to let my wife forget about the illness)
in short, 14.00 we reach dr. Ang's clinic. waiting for around an hour, then we see
dr. Ang himself.
He told her to get a PET Scan, and have to be done in Mount Elizabeth hospital,
cost? SGD 3200. blood test is around SGD. 300. Tomorrow.

24th April, Friday.
We got a confirmation from the PET Scan, the tumor was in my wife's left chest.
about 5cm. Stage 3B. Can't be cured, only can be stopped from spreading. and
a deadly cancer.

dr. Ang suggest my wife to have a chemotherapy on the following day.
The Chemo will be 3 stages, every 3 weeks.
the cost was real surprising, more than SGD 5000 for every stage. so the total
for 3 times will be ... more than SGD 15000. ( i think i have to sell my car for this
medication).

We got no money left, we empty our pocket and left only 2500 something.
The amount was only enough for half treatment. we got SGD 8 for dinner.
So that night, I bought dinner for my wife, it cost SGD 4. only for her, because
I have to save the SGD 4 for her meals tomorrow.

Need HELP from Others and/or Doctors

Last week, my wife cough badly. She never had this kind of cough before.
Couple of days later, on
I drive her to a "lung specialist", she have to Thorax X-Ray,
The result wasn't good. She got a liquid in her left lung, the doctor ask to suck the liquid out
of her lung. That night, we instantly go to the hospital to took the liquid out.

Afterward, she got to be X Ray again, to check the lung, whether the liquid is still or not.
In the meantime, the liquid was analyze on the lab and the result is ADENOCARCINOMA or
common word is CANCER. Wow, I really surprised but I didn't show it to my wife ofcourse.
On that night, I tried to search on the internet, what is ADENOCARCINOMA anyway. And I found out
that this kind of cancer is a deadly one.

Well, I decided to change the doctor to a professor (more expensive cost ofcourse).
With the medical records, XRay fotos, Blood test report, we consult to other lung specialist.
He ask us to have a USG (for abdomen and breast) and CT Scan (for the lungs).
Then we see the doctor again, well, I can see by the face of the doctor that this is not a kind
of simple illness. He direct us to see an ONCOLOGIST, specialist for breast cancer.
And the meeting is on Thursday, let's hope and pray that everything will be okay.

I simply request for other viewers, doctors or specialist that on fortunately happen to read
my blog, could possibly help us by giving us a support, consultation or inputs on my wife's illness.

A huge appreciations for all viewers that could help us. Thank you very much. And wish us luck.

Loving Mom

Just met with mom, after almost a day seperated.
Mom shopping, Troy playing.
Dad... just watching... sob. :((

The Policeman

Kidzania, Jakarta.
Troy's first career, a Policeman
look at his uniform, it says "Officer Troy"

Love Dad

love dad, that night I missed the dinner, suddenly my body not feeling well,
don't even think eating something, just couldn't stop wanting to throw up.
after resting for 1/2 hour, drink some cereals, my body felt okay.
than my boy and wife came back from dinner, brought me the rib steak.
very juicy.